A society under fear

If, as the tagline of this blog suggests, life is a story, then this is quite some chapter.

Life is nothing like it was 6 weeks ago. Understatement. Life is so far beyond what anybody could have predicted that it’s almost surreal. There are hints of former social norms, but almost no aspect of life has been left unscathed. And the scars will run deep.

Amid the stoicism, community spirit and appreciation for simplicity, slowness and the things that really matter, there is a more sinister culture emerging; one built on fear, observation, state control, peer pressure and a lack of freedom and understanding. To pen the obvious, those are the key components of some of the best-selling dystopian novels.

I feel judged if I accidentally step anywhere near another human outside my household on our one walk per day, judged when I don’t participate in the Thursday night clap and judged for even thinking let alone speaking the words that lockdown should lift and we should continue with life, albeit with some common sense adjustments.

This life is not biblical. There are certainly biblical elements such as slowness and reflection that have been reintroduced to culture as a result of it, but it is not life to the full, in community, with hospitality and without fear.

Polls say that lockdown has become the ‘popular’ choice, but many of those who believe it is for the good are missing huge chunks of data, choosing a short term solution with severe long term consequences – discounting the impact on mental health and the economy for generations to come at the very least – and most worrying for me, choosing fear over faith.

There are many people very close to me who fall into extremely vulnerable categories as well as family who work on the ‘frontline’ in the NHS (which has become an idol for worship in itself; a whole other subject). Believing that this way of life is not for the best does not put aside my desire to protect them or anyone else. But this is only protecting them from a virus with a very (very) low mortality rate, while simultaneously robbing them of true life.

Perhaps one day, our world will return to a place without screens (the non-digital kind; also another subject) separating us from our fellow humans, without us having to abstain from physical touch or even proximity and without state imposed controls on our freedoms, hopes and dreams.

But my biggest concern is that if and when that day comes, the culture of fear will be so embedded that society won’t know how to break free, find deep joy or learn to risk again; to know that every day presents its own challenges and dangers but ultimately, life is there to be lived and we trust in our Creator for the rest.

My continued prayer is that culture will shift again and recognise the cloud of fear it is living under. May the community, slowness and simplicity live on, but in a world and culture that is worth living in.

Grandparents – a legacy

The role of a grandmother brings with it a legacy to pass on to the women who follow.

The grandfather leads by example in life skills, in faith and in strength. The grandmother nurtures, she teaches how to listen, to be gentle, humble and gracious and to be a woman filled with faith. The grandfather takes on responsibility for the wellbeing of his family, for making decisions and for ensuring that he walks alongside his family, not dragging them behind. He invests his very soul into praying for every individual member of the generations who follow and encourages his wife to do the same. The grandmother is wise, she guides through her intuition and leads her husband in a way that does not intrude on who he is. She prays with all her might, inspires and gently encourages all whom she meets.

Both, together, serve one another and take delight in discipling their children and grandchildren. As a team they walk as one and as old age takes hold of them both they continue to put the other’s needs first – enticing a smile or a laugh and making sure the other’s heart is content so that they can be a shining light to others.

In all of these things, my grandparents were the lifeblood of our family. They fulfilled their roles in their very beings because at their core they had faith. Their every breath was an inspiration and now that they are both at home with the Lord, I miss them greatly. I am determined with all of my might to continue the legacy they gave us.

Christmas is… (the Sainsburys ad & all things festive)

I’m a little late to the party I suppose, but I’ve taken a little time out over this festive season and have come to two conclusions about what Christmas is for me.

1. Christmas is about sharing

The Sainsburys ad may have received a lot of criticism for supposedly commercialising war, but for me, it represented two things. Firstly, it made me super proud of my heritage, a perfect mix of German and English, beautifully summed up in the blending of the German and English voices singing Stille Nacht/Silent Night across the trenches.

Secondly it reminded me that Christmas really is for sharing. Without the people I love around me, Christmas simply isn’t Christmas at all. As my husband said at one of our Church Christmas services, it is a cliché, but Christmas really is about peace and love, or ‘Shalom’ as I prefer.

Christmas should be about wholeness and without those I love, I am not complete. This Christmas, I have been fortunate enough to see a lot of the people who I hold uppermost in my heart. I have received a few really thoughtful presents but it really hasn’t been about gifts this year, or even food. It has been about sharing whatever I am doing, with those I love. Be that a weekend in Germany with my Oma, Christmas Day with our elderly neighbour and my brother-in-law or post-Boxing Day with my parents and sister. That is Christmas for me.

2. Christmas is about waiting

It’s in the name really: Advent. This is the first year I have worked until Christmas Eve and it has meant that I haven’t felt able to relax fully until the final hour. My mum was telling us how, as a child, her parents didn’t put the tree up until Heiligabend (Christmas Eve) and when her father brought it home, the children weren’t allowed back into the lounge until it was up, decorated and keeping watch over their presents. It was worth waiting for and meant that Christmas had finally arrived.

I think next year I will phase my Christmas activities, leaving the tree until a little later rather than the very first weekend of December. I can enjoy other things – movies, festive coffee flavours, more time with friends and family – in anticipation that the best is yet to come.

That’s Christmas to Me


One of my favourite music groups, Pentatonix, have just released their new seasonal album ‘That’s Christmas to Me‘. The title track tells of all the things that make Christmas special for them from stockings to snow angels to kissing under the mistletoe.

For me, Christmas is all about family and children and I can’t wait until I have kids of my own to delight in Christmas with and to share the Good News of the Christmas story with. In the meantime, there are many things that spark that ‘Christmassy feeling’ in me. Last year, I didn’t get a chance to do all of these things, so sensible and future-thinking me sent an email to myself with reminders for Christmas 2014. These are a few of those suggestions with a few more that I’ve realised in recent weeks.

Shop on the High Street. Doing all of my Christmas shopping online may be hassle-free but it takes away two crucial parts of Christmas to me: 1) Being outside and 2) seeing joy on other people’s faces as they bask in the spirit of the season. I’m not saying I won’t do any of my gift shopping online, but I want to support my local stores and embrace Christmas, rather than try to hide from its bustle and in-so-doing, hide from the noise, energy and warmth that gives it such exhuberant joy.

Be with people. I am an introvert. Such an introvert. As much as I dearly love my friends, spending time with large groups of people exhausts me. Yet Christmas gives me the perfect excuse to see lots of people who don’t exhaust me. Those closest to me, those who have really lived life with me, energise me, light me up and make me feel full and content. Christmas is about the people I love and I mustn’t forget that sometimes, even for an introvert, there are certain people who make you feel loved and warm in return.

Light candles. The flickering of the flames and the scent of my favourite red berry candles is perfectly Christmas to me. They dance and make the room cosy and alive at the same time. Add in a log fire and I’m in Christmas heaven.

Christmas crafts. Every year I try to make something new – be that a tree ornament or a table decoration – anything that I can make using fir cones, dried oranges, star anise, cinnamon sticks and ribbon makes my heart sing. Baking Christmas biscuits also rates pretty highly – especially if they are full of Christmas spices. The senses are powerful triggers of emotion and Christmas smells, sights, sounds and tastes, can combine to create an indescribable experience of contentment and peace.

Read the Christmas story in German and listen to German Christmas carols. I once said to my Oma that my favourite Christmas was a German Christmas. It’s what I grew up with, it’s a huge part of my heritage and it’s something that soothes my soul. My Opa always read the Christmas story to us on Heiligen Abend and hearing that story in German somehow connects me to the truth and meaning of the story more so than the English translation. The familiar German lilt brings it to life for me and the same goes for Christmas carols. There’s something about Stille Nacht that resonates so much more with me than Silent Night.

The crucial part to all of this is that it is Christmas to me. I also watch Christmas movies, decorate, go to carol services and have an advent calendar but the things I’ve written about are the things that stir my heart and my spirit the most and remind me that it really is possible for Shalom to overcome the bad in this world, even if just for a season.

What is Christmas to you?

Those days are gone

I have just booked a whistle-stop journey to see my Oma in Germany for her 90th birthday. I’ll catch the first flight out in the morning and the last one back in the evening. I won’t have time to visit her home, just the place she now resides in – a home.

The days of us visiting our grandparents, splashing in the pool in the back garden of the home they built themselves, lounging in the sun, playing games with them, eating cake and learning about life from them, are now gone and it is only in this past year, since my Opa died, that I’m finally beginning to realise that.

I am so unbelievably blessed that I have had two grandparents who could not have been better role models for me. Every fibre in their being was love and faith. They exuded wisdom, they laughed from their heart and they demonstrated the kind of devotion to one another and to God that is so hard to emulate.

Dementia now has much of the mind of my Oma, but her heart is still the same. She misses her partner of over 60 years but she is still wise, she still has faith and she still loves with every ounce she has left.

But those carefree days of my childhood with them truly are gone and that makes me sad. I wouldn’t say I didn’t make the most of them because for most of that time I was too young to know the blessing I had, but they made sure that they cherished their time with me and my sister and in doing so, they gave me memories that can never be taken from me.

I am one fortunate girl to have those memories and, though I’m sad to comprehend that they will never be experienced again, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to experience them at all. I will continue to make new, albeit different, memories with my Oma for as long as I get to keep her on this earth. She is one very precious lady.