Trusting in…

I’ve entered a season in my life that is completely new to me by one definition alone: I don’t know what’s next. I have always had ambitions, aims, goals and planned paths to help me get to where I wanted to go but I find myself in the slightly baffling position of having achieved what I wanted to by this age. In one sense, that is an incredible blessing but in another sense it leaves me feeling a little lost.

So I ask – what’s next? I have no defined journey to work towards and no comfort from knowing where I’m going because I’m there. I got to my destination. I had never really considered much past this point.

I’m living life without knowing: without knowing where I’m going, what’s next, how I’m going to get there or how I’m going to feel like I’m still achieving and learning new things. I’m not trusting in my own ability to get somewhere nor am I trusting in time to work in my favour, which leaves me trusting in the only one who knows what’s next for me: God.

It’s probably a good place to be because in my ‘not knowing’ I am left with no choice but to place my life in His hands. I have no clue what I’m stepping into so I’m thankful that I have someone walking alongside me. I am hoping that I learn how to live life without knowing in a way that is fulfilling and I am also hoping that as and when a little direction comes my way, I don’t forget how to take each step in faith.

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Everything becomes familiar

In time, all things become familiar. What starts off as overwhelming, uncomfortable, confusing, unnerving or discombobulating eventually feels like routine. A new job, a new home, any kind of change – even a new kitchen! – takes time to adjust for me. That’s not to say it’s bad. It’s just new.

Since everything will at some point start to feel like the norm, I may as well embrace the slightly bewildering emotion of change – the feeling doesn’t last forever.

September reflections / October hopes

P1030510 (2)September was all about the kitchen really. And the arrival of Autumn. The kitchen was almost completely faff-free and we love the result. We’re even starting to cook together because we can stand side by side and chop/stir without treading on one another!

I don’t think September gave me much time to be still at all. We had wonderful friends who fed us almost every night so that we didn’t have to rely on takeaway whilst kitchen-less, but that did mean it was very busy and very extroverted. The introvert in me is crying out for a few days of nothing. Not quite sure October will offer that but I have a few hopes nonetheless.

>Reflections<

Don’t get too frustrated while the new kitchen is installed. This actually happened. I spent a lot of time preparing myself for the fact that the flat would be a mess and I wouldn’t be able to find anything for a few weeks and as a result, the whole situation felt fairly calm! We now have decorators in so the dust sheets haven’t been put away quite yet. A few more weeks and we’ll be there!

Spend less money. This pretty much happened. We didn’t go over budget, despite the kitchen and need for takeaways. I’d really like to continue this for a few months, especially in the run up to Christmas when I’m sure we’ll enjoy the freedom of spending a bit of money on lovely gifts for the people we love! (If you hate people talking about Christmas in October, perhaps just ignore that last sentence…)

Spend more time with family. Without even trying, this happened. I spent an evening curled up with my mum and sister watching the Great British Bake Off and I spent a very very wonderful weekend away with my sister and got to spend quality time with her – no distractions. The weekend actually happened at the beginning of October but seeing as I’m late in writing my reflections and hopes this month, it totally counts!

Spend less time watching TV. This hasn’t actually been too difficult as the television was under a dust sheet for most of the month! I added rugby to the list of OK television as it’s the Rugby World Cup and not watching rugby was just not going to happen!

>Hopes<

Go for Autumn walks in new places. The leaves are changing colour and I want to take in every crisp breath of this perfect season. I’d like to go for walks in new parks and places and make the most of being outdoors – even if it’s raining!

Get the flat painted (except maybe the bedrooms) and clean again! A month (ish) of dust sheets are taking their toll on our flat. I really want to get the decorating finished and give the whole flat a good clean to get rid of some of the dust. This would include steam cleaning the carpets, although that might be too ambitious…

Be in the moment for birthdays. One of my best friends turns 30 this month and it’s also my sister’s birthday. They both have things planned and I want to take those opportunities to forget the overwhelm of work/life and be present in those times with friends and family. I just want to relax and enjoy them for what they are, no more, no less.

That’s it for this month. I’m loving the darker evenings and cooler weather – the rain and wind give me the perfect excuse to enjoy indoor things alongside the joy of dusk air and beautiful crisp walks. I hope October will let me enjoy both.

September – Conquering faff

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September was the month when the faff of many years finally concluded. A leak which began almost three years ago ended in a beautiful new kitchen. A lease renewal which has taken a year to negotiate and sort was finally completed. A mortgage which has been five years of a high(ish) rate has been switched and fixed to a lower rate. In themselves, they don’t amount to much but together, they start to build in the back of the mind and we’ve become constantly aware that the next stage needed to be progressed on one or more of these projects. Life’s faffs will hopefully now start to cease for us for a little while.

September also saw the arrival of Autumn and the Rugby World Cup. Sadly, we (being England) are already out of the competition but that doesn’t mean we don’t have some extremely high quality rugby to enjoy over the coming weeks! My hubby even got tickets to the quarter final which I’m really chuffed for him about.

Work is at about 160% at the moment and that takes a lot of my stamina. I’m so looking forward to December when my energy should become a little more balanced between work and the rest of life. That said, we did get a really wonderful weekend away at a conference which renewed us both in unexpected ways and gave us a little more focus about where we’re headed. We celebrated my lovely husband’s birthday and we spent a lot of good time with friends. No wonder I’m pretty tired…!